Gaming saved my life: Notes on Existential dread and the freeing escapism of World of Warcraft

Back in late 2021 to early 2022 (around three months in total), I had something of a breakdown.

I became a nervous wreck, having panic attacks left, right and centre about death and the inevitability of it all - perhaps rather embarrassingly, this came about because I binge-watched a space documentary series by Prof Brian Cox, and it scared the shit out of me.

My sister and I now have a running joke about the whole thing, and recently, I bought a book about Black Holes by him, which she found baffling and highly amusing, given the nature of my Brian Cox-induced mental breakdown!

But enough about Prof Cox and space. Where does gaming fit into all this, and how did it kind of save my life? Well, in February 2022, I decided I needed to find something to distract myself from the very negative and frightful thoughts flowing nonstop through my brain. In my teenage years, I loved playing games, from Sims to GTA to Halo. I was a bit of a console addict, so much so that I’d get told off for spending too much time playing games.

So, as I got older, I was led to believe that gaming was for kids and that I had to grow up - wrong on both accounts. And it was only when I was struggling to get through a day without crying or panicking that I decided to play a game again, and the game was World of Warcraft. As a fan of fantasy and the nature of it being an MMORPG, I thought that I wouldn’t feel so intimidated by the gameplay. So I decided to give it a go.

It’s safe to say that I was hooked after downloading the game and playing the free trial up to level 20. The game took my mind away from the real world to a fantasy landscape of elves, orcs, and so many possibilities. As I got more and more immersed in the game I felt my existential dread dissolve over the following months.

2 years have passed, and I’m still playing WOW (I’ve also been jumped onto the Baldur’s Gate 3 hype train recently - and loving it!). I am so glad that I came back to gaming, as it has honestly been one of the best things for my mental health.

Is it true that games have saved my life, possibly as I don’t know what would have happened if I’d continued to have so many panic attacks and obsessive thoughts about death?

Hobonichi Stationery Haul

Writing a diary is like a promise for the future. A promise that you’ll note down the good, the bad and the utterly mundane so that you, 10 or 50 years later can flick through that year of your life allowing the memories to flood back and envelope you in a warm hug.

It’s a romantic notion for sure but what can I say I am a romantic at heart.

To help me document my 2024 I have invested in the Hobonich Techo, a diary from a renowned Japanese brand that is both beautiful and versatile which is exactly what I need as a seriel diary buyer who never quite gets into the grove of keeping one for the whole year.

Easy Eco: 5 Tips to become more eco

Among everything going on in the world right now, we can’t forget that there is a climate crisis. So I’m going to propose a few ways in which you can become more eco easily. In fact, you probably won’t realise that you're doing it!

Disclaimer: Nobody is perfect, it’s really f-ing hard to be eco-friendly in all aspects of your life, these are some simple things I have been doing/have started implementing that I think are easy ways to be a little more eco in your everyday life. If everyone makes a little change that will lead to a massive change.

Get ready to unleash your inner Greta Thunberg…

Buy Second Hand

Fashion - Thrift shops are cool, fashion comes in cycles anyway so get your 70’s florals or your 90’s slip at a fraction of the price, in better quality and while saving the planet. It’s a win-win scenario.

Classic Books - Dead authors don’t need your patronage, so buy your Dickens, your Flaubert, your Tolstoy second hand, all those dead guys don’t need your money anymore. Save your cash and save the trees. If you really want to spend absolutely nothing as you don’t mind reading on a screen then download them for free onto the kindle app or from Gutenberg! Also, a recent discovery is Better World Books, they are cheap, offer carbon-neutral shipping and also donate 1 book for every book you buy to a good cause!!

Furniture - The same reasoning as fashion, old school furniture is generally better quality because it’s still in existence after all these years. It’s also more eclectic than your Ikea flat-pack stuff.

Now that is one big pile of…

Buy a Vacuum Flask

If you love coffee, and often get it on the go, just get a flask rather than those godforsaken takeaway cups! If you’re feeling even more spendthrift with a dash of Marxism thrown in for good measure, brew your own coffee at home or find an indie coffee shop instead of handing your hard-earned cash over to massive corporations!

I have the Kinto Day Off Tumbler, and while it’s not exactly cheap for a vacuum flask it will make back its price very very quickly and each time I use it I can feel proud that there is one less takeaway cup ending up in landfill! And its rather sexy I must say, as travel mugs go…

4 Minute Shower

Be a little more speedy, that’s all you need to change. Sure it’s lovely to close your eyes and bask in the tropical waterfall that your shower becomes, but there are people out in the world that don’t have access to water! Don’t waste so much of it! People in Africa, Asia and South America have to walk miles to get a small amount of often dirty water, their communities and countries are already suffering from global warming, so pay them some thought and think about what the future holds for them if you keep taking your everyday luxuries for granted. Also. with the money, you save on your water bill maybe you could turn that into a donation for a water charity!

Don’t Waste Food

So much food is wasted every single day. Don’t buy more than you need, if you think you might not be able to eat something before it goes off, freeze it if possible. If a recipe just needs egg whites, save your yolks in the fridge for something else tomorrow. Batch cook, so you can use up stuff and feed yourself for a few days rather than giving yourself a massive portion that you end up putting half of into the bin. Just be smarter about waste, it’s that easy!

Don’t Leave the Lights On!

Each year the WWF hold Earth Hour where for just one hour everyone turns their lights off from 8:30 to 9:30. Imagine if we could do this just once a week. How about having a weekly movie night where you gather your household around the tv and watch a film in the dark, or maybe crack out some candles (even better if they are homemade) and have a candlelit hour or two reading or a candlelit bath as part of a pampering evening. Make your Eco event a healing event for you too, then you’ll come to see them as coinciding in the same space, to save the world you can save your well-being too.

There’s a French phrase that I love ‘on est pas à Versailles ici!’ which translates to ‘we’re not in Versailles!’ so check yourself, don’t leave all your lights on, you’re not in Versailles, you're at home, save some energy for your bank balance and for the well-being of the world!

oh here’s one extra for good measure

Buy some Reusable Produce bags

You know those plastic bags they have in dispensers in supermarkets to put your fresh fruit and veggies into, well think about how many of those must be used every day. It’s probably quite alarming, and yes they keep your fruit and veg separate and safe but you could opt for an eco version like these ones from The Plastic Free Shop.

There we go, 6 Easy Eco Steps that we can incorporate into our lives without any real difficulty. Do you have any eco tips and tricks to share, pop them down below in the comments section and let’s get saving the planet!

3 Fun and Easy Ways to Learn a New Language

New Year, New Language? If you're starting to learn a new Language I have a few tips for you.

2021 Mood + Goals

Last year was strange, boring, scary and in some ways affirming. I had hoped 2020 would be a big year for me, new year new decade and all. However, that was obviously not the case. But like in any bad situations there are lessons to be learned. So maybe 2020 can be the year I learnt and 2021 can be the year I live according to what I have learnt.

My 2021 Mood

I will listen to music that brings me joy, watch movies that inspire me. Look after my mental health and talk to someone if I feel myself slipping again. I will make art, if that’s writing a short story, painting my feelings on a canvas, recording a short film, I will just go with the flow. I won’t lose hope. I will work towards a career I’m passionate about. I will in the words of Jack Kerouac in On the Road “burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars”, because why settle for anything less?

My 2021 Goals

• Achieve fluency in French - Recently I’ve avoided learning French as I kind of plateaued and I was just finding it so frustrating. But rather than just give up I’m going to work harder. This will be the year that I become fluent, no excuses.

• Double my blog traffic - 2020 has been a great year for my blog and I can’t wait to take it even further.

• Read 52 books - One book a week is a manageable goal (I think?)

• Be more sustainable

• Declutter - Get rid of physical and mental clutter.

• Be creative